Oscar Picks

The Academy Awards are this Sunday. Did you know that Steeley boy? I bet you didn't because you're a lame-o, hermit stuck in Alexander Hall. Like most SPU profs you got you nose stuck in books and you're not engagin the culture. I on the other hand get out to see all the best films (Hitch is the best new movie of 2005. It's like the story of me and you, Les, except I'm not black.) Anyway, my picks for 2004 are as follows:

The Passion of the Christ sweeps all the awards! Yeah, baby! I know what you're thinking: but it is not even nominated for the big awards--the ones that matter. But surely I say unto thee Jesus has always been a comeback kid, defeating the odds and coming out on top. And Hollywood is all about connections (I got a second cousin in law who is gonna hook me up with a recording session so I can lay down some fat tracks off my new hip hop album "Phil Up Yourself") and Jesus has the ultimate connection: He's God's son! Booyakasha.

And besides, the academy knows that if they don't let The Passion win the Mel Gibson will go medieval on their oscar trophies. Did you see him in Braveheart? He totally chopped off that Brit's head and it flew across the whole screen. Bloody. I wouldn't want to see that happen to Chris Rock, it being african american history month and all...

My Reviews of the "nominated" films:

Ray - Why are we celebrating the heroin addicted, woman abusing part of his life? Anyone could do that.

Million Dollar Baby - That's why we shouldn't have female sports at SPU.

The Aviator - He's got nothing on me.

Sidways - Would have been better in 3-D.

Finding Neverland - I loved it, but too bad Les didn't get it.

Diversity among the Bean Sprouts

Did you know that bean sprouts are real? I thought they were some kind of horror film alien enemy. You know there are pod people and bean pods I just thought that bean sprouts were like pod people embryos. But they are not. And that is good because then there was the question of when a bean sprout becomes a real pod person and whether or not we should fund testing on bean sprouts. And then later, we would have to boost the diversity effort in order to recruit these bean sprout/pod people. Oh, man. That's a headache.
Sometimes I wish they were people though. Then I could refuse to eat them. Now I got no excuse. The Mrs made me eat some tonight. That's how I learned all this. She can make me eat them, but she can't keep me from washing 'em down with a couple of pepperoni pizzas. Booyakasha! I got the number for pizza hunt in the speeddial, but it is hidden under the poision control line. That's the only rememdy I need, baby.
Big up yourself,
Phil "Be for real or beefaroni" Eaton

There is no Order in eating!

Some say to eat 3 a day of this or five a day of this. Others say eat colors throughout the rainbow. some say there is a food pyramid, but how am I supposed to eat that if I don't live in Egypt?
Here's what I say: "Life is is short so, eat dessert first!" Do you want to be flying away leaving behind some tasty nutter butters? I don't think so. I'll be waving bye bye to broccoli. It may have lots of "vitamin C and valuable minerals that a growing university president needs" but not one ounce of it is holy. Angel food cake on the other hand... that can't be bad.

President's Day. What did you get me?

Happy presidents' day to me!
Happy presidents' day to me!
Happy presidents' day to phil eaton (big breath) the greateast president ever because I built emerson and the new science building and that's no cherry tree or civil war ending or louisana purchase (although the science building did cost more) or panama canal or saving the country from the great depression, but it is at least better than being a part of the kkk while in office, better than owning slaves while in office, better than the cuban missle crisis, better than sex scandals in the president's office and more literate than the other great W. (sigh)
Happy presidents' day to me!

Life inside a Steel Cage

I am the ruler of the steel cage. I am the ultimate cage fighter! I want to see you, DR BRADEN, inside the cage 9:30am Tuesday. BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,
Phil "Stone Cold" Eaton

The Lent

Well The Falcon came out today and I told Les that I really wanted to read it. It was part of my job to be hip to everything the students talk about. Apparently the big trend is a thing called LENT. Some new diet fad or something. It won't last. But at 18 I guess these kids don't know much about longevity.
But I can be down with the latest trend. For LENT I am giving up reading The Falcon.
I know, I know. "Phil," you say, "Lent isn't about self-abuse. Don't deny yourself the right to The Falcon." But I can make that noble sacrifice. Because I... am better than you.
Everyone thinks so.

-Phil
P.S. Even your parents agree.

Great day for watching movies

You know what movie kicks butt? Mortal Kombat 2.
I cannot believe how amazing this film is. If you had to choose a film that defined today's young generation. One with which nearly every kid (except MKs, PKs, and Matt Bollinger) could identify with, you'd have to pick Mortal Kombat 2. Some people might say "Death to Smoochy" and although I hae to agree that that movie was rad, Mortal Kombat wins hands down everytime. It is even better than the first one. Man that movie rocks. I watched it 6 times today.

Peace Out
Phil

Whatever Falcon Editors...

Homecoming rocks! And if you don't like the way I do things-the way I "roll" then you can kiss your precious paper goodbye. Try running that operation on a real budget without ASSP help. Homecoming is a time for us to celebrate everything that is SPU past present and future. Children are our future, the great philosopher Whitney Houston once said. So we pick kids with a future so that we can parade them around and get the old SPUers to donate money and invest in our "good product" aka the future alums. I think someone is jealous that they didn't get picked. Better luck next time.
Phil

Why SPU? Why not BIOLA?

A lot of people ask me why should they should come to SPU. It's true that most Christian colleges are the same. You COULD go to BIOLA, if you wanted to hang out by a fountain and a huge mural of a white Jesus holding a bible and looking towards heaven. You COULD go to BIOLA, if you wanted to participate in the annual "bun run" and run around campus wearing only a jock strap. You COULD go to BIOLA, if you wanted to learn to make tough life decisions like "this weekend should I go to the beach or should I go to Disneyland?" You COULD go to BIOLA, if your life ambition is to make a million dollars just so that you could buy a Thomas Kinkade gallery.
But if you DO go to BIOLA, beware of what you'll be missing out on: ME, baby!
Does Biola's president, aka "Uncle Clyde," have his own blog? Pfft. He probably doesn't know what a blog is.
If you're reading this, that means you should come to SPU.
Also, at Biola, there is about 50% more of those faggy mop head haircuts that Matt Bollinger thinks are so stylin'. Lay off the dope, kid!

Most influential Christians

So the big talk is about the most influential christians in America. I love America, don't get me wrong, but this conversation was boring and I was fading in and out during the meeting we had about it. It was boring because, I mean, who are these people? Rick Warren? Frank Graham? James Dobson? Who has heard of these people? I guess they all have best sellers or something, but then again who reads anything these days? Not me. I am down with the young generation, I am down with blogging and I am down with the kids. That's why I am such a good president. Kids these days don't read. They listen... to music. Hear are my top influential Christians.

1. Psalty the Singing Psalm Book. I know he sounds like a woman, but his voice is still the word of God, teaching valuable lessons to all of us about sharing and caring in God's world.
2. DC Talk. They are Christians (Jesus is still alright with them) and they know grammar (love is a verb). There is no better friend to the Christian Academic than DC Talk.
3. Larry the Cucumber. Embracing all sides of faith the silly and the part where I get hungry. Veggietales made a noble sacrifice, but I got to hand it to them that was the most delicious cobb salad I've had since the last time I was in Palm Springs.
4. Stacey Oreiko. We all liked britney spears because she was hot and danced around wearing next to nothing but we felt a little off about liking her because we didn't know where she was in her walk with the Lord. But then Stacy came around and she was almost as hot and we knew she loved the Lord so we had no problems watching her sing and dance around wearing next to nothing. Praise Jesus!
5. Michael W Smith. Whatever I say on this blog, no matter how mean I am to Steeley-boy, I know that he will always be my friend cause friends are friends forever. And because he loaned me $5.60 for a meal at Dick's Drive-In and if he doesn't call me back this week he is sooooo not getting it back.

If you have favorite influential christians that have inspired you maybe you should write them and tell them or post it here. If I am one of the most influential Christians in your life, maybe you should send me money.

Phil