Falcon's landing hook-up folly

To all you new students, you should know that the SUB is a great place to hook-up but she is also a dangerous vixen who'll play with your heart. Let me tell you my story about a friend of mine named Peaton.
So Peaton and the chef at Falcon's landing had been friends for a while. But one weekend at the SUB things started to get serious. Peaton and the Chef started kicking it up a notch, turning up the heat, spicing things up, and pretty soon every weekend Peaton was getting the chef special: double bacon, double cheese. This was pretty special because Peaton was cool and got the burger when as Peaton's Archnemisis, "Less Teele" was super nerdy and got the lame-o "turkey wrap."
The "Special" was never in writing; it was a casual understanding, something that would happen randomly between friends. Pretty soon Peaton was coming to look forward to the hook up, anticipate it, crave it, salivate just thinking about it. One weekend Peaton was getting the hookup when he saw the chef giving someone else the hook-up. And worse the Chef was giving this other person the hookup with peppercorn bacon and munster cheese. The Chef claimed that he and Peaton were not in an exclusive relationship. Well then what is the point of calling it "the special?"

I'll be a grilled pannini if that same story hasn't played out at the SUB a dozen times--make that a baker's dozen.
Wasn't that a great story? There was love, romance, villains, nerds, drama, comedy, mystery, feasts and famine. I did a really good job with that story.

Phil "The Homer of Hook-ups!" Eaton

Phil me up, Buttercup!

We all know who Nance is rooting for! 

Engagin' & Changin'

To all the nay-sayers out there, who think their university president is not working hard to engage the culture and change the world (and once the culture is engaged by me, the world will never be the same), I have this to say: Look what I did today:

11:35am skipped out on board meeting to go to 31 flavors. Did you know that they actually have more than 31 flavors? One Word: AWESOME. And if you get a double scoop, you can mix and match (engaging) to make a new flavor (changing). I took rocky road and moose tracks and mixed them to call it "road kill ice cream."

1:45pm After a hearty amount of community building at the ice cream shop, I decided to check out the TV guide to see what is on TV (engaging) and I decided that I am going to watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force even though I know Harvey Birdman is the best show ever, just to try things out (Changing).

2:59pm Last call for the lunch menu at Lee's Chinese Buffett in Green Lake. Gwinn was already closed and Les was lurking around the SUB so I had to get away from all the stress. I decided to try some chinese food (engaging) and it was good. They didn't have a lot of dessert options though, which made me sad. So I told them about road kill ice cream and they seemed to like it. If you go there in the next week check to see if they've added it to their menu (changing).

6:15pm Les has been calling me to play Jeopardy with him tonight (totally lame) it's like work after you're done with work. Instead I got 3 foot long subs(Changing) at subway for the wicked awesome low price of $11.95. After that I tanked out into a food coma for a couple of hours (engaging).

11:15pm Woke up in time for harvey birdman, and thanks to the jolt cola (engaging) I was able to call in the birdman fan quiz and win a free BMX bike (changing) wicked awesome! look out all you hill hall lame-os tanning on the beach, starting tomorrow, it's my new dirt track.

Peace,
Love,
Phil

EATON FOR PREZ in 2008

Christopher Walken recently announced his bid for the presidency.
He'd make a pretty good president. But I'd be a rad president. I'd support the troops. I'd just think: "If I were in the iraqi desert, what would I want." Then I'd fly in pizzas and rootbeer floats for everyone. I'd be a rad president. I'd also tackle the education problem. America's falling behind other countries in academic performance. But I know what america is all about and it is not about nerdy, steeley, academics. It's about bombing other countries. So the new academic challenge will be a one-on-one championship ring dodge ball tournament with yours truly. If a kid can take me on in the dodgeball court, then they pass the SAT. That'd be rad. Nerds suck; jocks rule! Hear that, les? I'd be a rad president.
Oh wait I already am a president. AND I am already rad. It's all good.

Peace
Love
Phil Eaton

Falcon Frolf Classic Returns Sept. 9th.

Falcon Frolf Classic Returns Sept. 9.
Entries are now being accepted for the 26th annual "Phil Eaton is Rad" Frolf Classic. Held at the Tiffany Loop and surrounding areas of the SPU campus on Friday, September 9, it begins at 11:30pm and finishes in time to watch Conan Obrien, who is wicked awesome by the way. The Frolf Classic benefits the Phil Eaton's Mallomar Fund. The cost is $75 and covers a small breakfast sized bag of trader joes granola, and all your frolf caddy fees. And don't use the cost as an excuse not to come, because if you are not there, everyone knows it is because you're afraid of being dominated on the Frolf Course by your own president. Besides, frolfers are eligible for a wide array of prizes, the top prize being a 2 litre of Jolt Cola! Register early to ensure a spot and for a foursome preference. For more information, call (206) 286-6469.

By the way this is the same day as the Falcon Golf classic, so now all you nerds and Les Steele wanna-bes out there are gonna have to choose: the radness of phil eaton or the "Lesness" of les Steele.


See ya on the frolf field, suckers!
Phil

SPU Faculty Member Honored at National Convention!

I am pleased to pass on to you some good news I heard late tonight. One of our own SPU administrators has received top honors at a convention held all this week. Please join me in congratulating Tami Anderson-Englehorn for winning this week's nationcal championship Jodie Foster look-a-like convention.

New Students will enter the Pearly Gates

I hope you all like the new gates at SPU. I figure this is a good way to keep filthy marauders like Jack Sparrow off the SPU campus. Les wanted to install large pearly gates in the loop to "set apart" the university's academic and spiritual ingetrity. I don't even know what that means. All I know is that I and my mallomars are a lot more safe now that we have the gate on the loop. Sparrow can suck it.

With All the Pain and Suffering In the World....

.... It's a wonder that people cannot enjoy the good things more.
Like Mallomars. I had 4 boxes today. I am doing my part.

Faithfully yours,
Phil

Today's Deep Thought

I
am
Awesome!

Meditate on that for 3 hours and then see what kind of day you have.

Booyah!

Phil