New Diet = Drag

The Mrs. and Dr Steele are pushing a diet on me that I don't want. I told them I would go on a diet if they could find one that suited my needs. Don't forget I am a strong, effective, decisive, no-nonsense, totally awesome, jujitsu master, James Dean-esque leader in a time of great instutional evolution, and that kind of leader needs energy. Energy that comes from three tried and true sources: cheetos, doughnuts, onion rings (the Denny's Onion rings are especially potent with energy).

Unfortunately they stuck me on this lame diet of honeydew melon and cottage cheese. I call it ultra-femmy, but Steele says he's on it too.

Maybe this will all be for the good. By the time students get back I'll be a totally tricked Phil Eaton like they've never seen before. Or if they have, only in their dreams.

Music: Braveheart Soundtrack
Mood: Hungry

Hot or Not ?

I know cool. I know fashion. You don't get to be friends with The Fonz, by being a nerd! Here is my list of what's hot and what's not for the upcoming season.

Hot:
1. Dave Chappelle. Out-rageous!
2. Crankbait Bass Fishing Lures. It's not my favorite way to fish, but for tournaments I strongly believe that it is the most versatile and productive of all lures.
3. Moon Pie. Whoever invented these little tasty treats is a god.
4. The Wesley. It's luxurious. It's stylin'. Dare I say it is "pimping"? Yes I do dare. The best part is: it's at SPU.
5. People giving money to SPU.

Not:

1. Snapple.
2. Having to move back into the Hilford House on the SPU campus.
3. Dave Chappelle's comedy special is only available on ShowTime and SPU doesn't subscribe.
4. All the stairs on campus. What's up with that? Honestly, I'd support a Gwinn to Ashton ski lift.
5. People not giving money to SPU.

Eaton at the Movies!

This is it: the last weekend before the camp casey routine kicks into full swing. It's beautiful up there and everything, but there's just no cable. C'mon people, Engage the culture already. Millions of dollars on a remodel and we'll still have no cable?

I think you understand where I am coming from on this, don't you? I need to see Night at the Roxbury three times this weekend on TBS. I don't want to see it (that's childish), I need to see it. And when you need something that's a responsibility.

I spent some time at the movies this summer. I love the extra buttery popcorn. Is there a limit? Like a bartender, would they cut me off after a certain amount of shots? Well, they haven't yet. But the stuff is expensive, that's why I say I'm the cheapest Eaton at the movies.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
BEST MOVIE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dodgeball
Does the world need another Ben Stiller movie? Oh mi gosh, YES!!

The Village
Creepy, like MOYER creepy.

Farenhiet 9/11
I’m just glad that Michael Moore left me out of it.

Napoleon Dynamite
Whatever. This movie was awesome. Anyone who doesn’t think so is an idiot. Gosh.

The Terminal
You see? This is the kind of security we need for Emerson Hall. What better way to keep the richest students paying tuition for the longest time? Oh yeah, the W credit hidden ace card.

Van Helsing
Creepy, like MOYER creepy.

White Chicks
Instead blowing all our money on the diversity effort, I am gonna launch an investigation to see if any white chicks at SPU are really black guys. I knew our girls basketball team was too good to be true.

Shrek 2
Creepy, like MOYER creepy.

Local News

If you hear anything in the news about a 60 year old man holding up an ice cream truck for 73 otter pops and 6 choco-tacos, that wasn't me. Okay? Do we understand each other? Good. I gotta bust a move. pzeace.

Music: Kung Fu Fighting
Mood: Anxious

Ashton De-Shagged

The Mrs. made me take out all the sweet new carpetting in Ashton. Bomb. But you still owe me an invite.

Ashton = Shaggilicious, Baby

New and returning residents of Ashton Hall will be happy to find that the entire hall has been redecorated with lucious, thick, orange shag carpetting. I know how important good, clean and healthy carpet is for our Ashton residents and I made a decision to honor that. Hopefully, this will help Ashton return to its former glory as the party dorm. Now, in return I ask for one thing: invite me next time. Please?

SPU is Getting Better (a little better all the time)

I got to Admit SPU is getting better, a little better all the time. I used to think school was for fools. Teachers seemed like total tools. Going uptown, drinks all around, always bending the rules. But I got to admit it's getting better all the time. I used to get angry and mad, seeing it get out of hand, but I laid down the law and they finally saw, and now we're doing the best we can.

Convention Conversion

Are you down with the DNC?
I wasn't when I left here, but I was when I got back.
I went to Boston to protest the nasty nasty democrats.
But after a coupla rounds of drinks with Johnny Boy, I was caught up in the "Kerry Charisma."
( By the way did you know that he was in Vietnam?)
John and I hit up some of the local bars and historic sites of Boston.
In other words we went to the CHEERS bar based on the TV show.
Sam Malone doesn't actually work there and that was a bummer. But John and I had a lot of fun anyway. We did a couple of Irish Car Bombs and then I told him he should cap it off with a shot of Duck Fart.
Whew boy he fell for that one. He totally puked! That guy's all right.