The Eaton WISH LIST

I know what you're thinking: "semesters, more money and less liberals." But that is the stuffy, academic Eaton, the realistic, highly efficient, bold leadership, business savvy Eaton, the side of me also known as Les Steele.

So what can you get me for Christmas, the real me, the way cool, totally hip, in your face president who has a doctorate it and keeps rockin it Phil Dawg. I've got a list and I provided pictures for your online shopping convenience.

Get your check books ready! And buy Buy BUY!

-Phil

P.S. Money is always accepted. But you have to give me %7.8 more cash than you did last year.

TOYS

This is the coolest toy of the season and I have got to have one. Free tuition for the first person who gets me one. Just kidding! Ha ha! But seriously, get me one. Now! This would be totally sweet it can walk, talk, play catch with me pretty soon it will replace Les. And what better gift is there than that? 

Jesus Loves Me but what good is a Jesus you can't hug? None. This is the ultimate doll figure of the ultimate male! 

The second ultimate doll of the second ultimate male. And he talks! He says, "After tonight I'm a headin down to Crawford." 

Abbott is sooooo going to get it good next April Fool's Day. Yes! I am the greatest! 

ART

Nate Ellis says we need more art around campus, I think he'd be really impressed to see this behind my desk. It's art with an important message... for all those hippies in the humanities dept. 

BOOKS

I knew there was something wrong with all these recounts. The devil is in the mix! I can prove it now! 

CLOTHING ITEMS

It'd be totally sweet to walk into one of those board meetings in my denim outfit and my huge belt buckle, I'd be just like the real President! 

The Gospel of Christ needs to be spread all over campus. As if my banners were'nt inspirational enough, this ministry appeals to the downtrodeen and sullen students who sulking and staring at the ground. 

I neeeeeeeeeeeeeed these! If Jesus would wear them, I will wear them. 

TRANSPORTATION

Don't "pimp my ride," Christ-ize my hot air balloon; it's the ultimate way to travel uphill from Gwinn to Ashton. 

STOCKING STUFFERS

Les is always pushing his femmy celery and cottage cheese diet on me. This is totally better and Biblical. Anyother power bar is heresy. 

If I am going to be Eaton (pun intended) all those Bible Bars, I am going to need an equally righteous colon cleanser. The best for the best! 

I am a heavenly kind of guy, I should smell that way too. 

Receiving is Giving

Of course, I don't forget the ones I love. I got something for Les that is really special and something that probably no one else could get him.

To: Les
From: Phil
Merry Christmas!  

Diversity Chess

This revised chess board design was adopted during the opening ceremonies of the John Perkins Center for whatever he damn well pleases. Anyway, the catch phrase is something like "no longer a black and white game" those kids on STUB are so clever. peace out.  

Eaton Christmas Treats

Here is the recipe for my favorite holiday treat. I invented it myself!

You will need:
- 5lbs bag of chocolate chips from CostCo
- Bottles of RediWhip

Directions:
1. Grab a handful of chocolate chips to form a good base.
2. Squirt whipping cream onto chocolate chips.
3. Shove into mouth at high speed.

The trick is keep your hands clean while spraying the whipping cream.
What makes this the most excellent christmas snack is that it requires no dishes and leaves no evidence behind. (well, once you get the hang of the redi-whip part.)
This is the perfect on-the-go-snack to grab on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night or on your way to some boring board meeting Les makes you go to.

Total Prep Time: 3 minutes.
Total eating time: 3 hours (usually the chocolate chips run out by then).

Most Excellent,
Phil

Don't you read my blog, sucka?!

Financial Accounting book? Haven't you read any of my blog, I'm soooo not reading that stuff. it's for lame-os. It's totally something Les would have read. I'm into The BabySitter's Club series and Maniac Macgee. The reason I had that book is because only an accounting textbook is godforakeningly big enough to hide a paintball gun, yo. I hollowed out the pages just like Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption. Totally Awesome. You're just lucky it wasn't snowing. So watch out, cause that first flake might be a paint ball.

Today was Pearl Harbor Day. I suggested to Les that we watch the movie four times in a row. He slapped me across the face. I told Les that in 1991 the State of California declared Dec 7 "MC Hammer Day." I suggested that we wear our hammer-pants and do the hammer glide whenever we walk from building to building. He slapped me across the face again! Then Les said that Dec 7 was the day that the Microwave was patented in 1945. He waved a bag of easy mac in front of my face and then tossed in the microwave. I wasn't impressed. But then he said "it spins." Wow did you know that the tray in the microwave spins? That's totally awesome. I spent the rest of the day examining all the microwaves on campus to see which ones could spin and which ones didn't. Look for my results during a forum next quarter.

Spinnin' Crazy,
Phil.

Hide-N-Seek

I scored a bootlegged version of the new metroid. It's totally sweet! But Les said he was "too busy doing your job, Phil" to play the suped-up classic ultimate game of realultimatepower. Instead, he busted out his own classic: hide-n-seek.

This was an all-campus game with just me and Les. Where would you hide? I know what you're thinking: Robbins. It's like half a mile away from campus; it's not even worth the trip up there to look for the person. But no, I had a better idea: The Wesley. No one is ever in there! To quote Eminem, "it'd be so empty without me." (Another Eminem lyric applicable to the Wesley would be "two trailer park girls go around the outside.")

Les didn't find me until well after his meeting was over. He found me at 5:30 and was like "Where were you?" And quoting Joseph Conrad I said "where darkness covers the earth." And Les hung his head in his hands and groaned, knowingly, "The Wesley, The Wesley." I continued my conradesque pontificfation: "The Wesley, where hunters for gold and pursuers of fame, had all gone out to the quazi-SPU-affiliated housing unit, bearing the sword and often the torch, messengers of the might within the land, bearers of a spark of SPU's sacred spirit. What greatness had not floated through corridor bridging Dravus and Cremona and into the mystery of an unknown earth! ...the dreams of men, the seed of commonwealths, the germs of empires."

Now that Les was done with work, we played metroid and made plans for a campus-wide paint ball war. Here's the catch, we wait til it snows and you can only use white paint. You won't see what is coming.

If you want to play, you need to form a team of ten players.

Registered Teams:
Alpha Team:
Captain: Myself.
Members: Les, The Mrs, Vokos, Visser, Tripps, Rendleman, Newby and Mark Abbott as "the Godfather."

Alexander Hall Football Team:
Captain: Rob Wall.
Members: Spina, Stiling, R. Steele, Levison, Maddox, Smyth, Lemcio, Woodward, and Priscilla Pope-Levison as "The Quaterback."

Register today!

When it snows look out! You don't know where I might be. But I will give you a hint: my hiding spot will have in its sights both Reinsma and Dale, the C-store guy.

Pzeace, bloggers,
Phil

Un-De-Lite-Ful

The Mrs surprised me with a lunch date. I had to quickly stash my big macs in my desk drawer. It was hard because I had to make room amongst all the malomars, which take up most of my desk space and the space in my breifcase. I think she might have noticed.

Its finals week so the C-store was pretty empty. Usually at the end of finals week all the students come in to celebrate and take all the good flavors of jones sodas and ben and jerry's ice cream. But today, being the first day of finals, it was pretty well stocked.

But, oh man, The Mrs would have none of it, and what's worse? She wouldn't let me have none of it either. She made me order a 6 inch veggie de-"lite." It was hardly delightful. Nor was I full. At least let me get the footlong! In addition to the veggie-only sandwich, I had to have a "Nantucket Nectar" which at first I though was cool, but when I found out that Steven Weber nor Tim Daly had nothing to do with it, I lost all interest. And a double bogus came when she made me get veggie chips instead of potato chips.

"How did you endure?" you ask, "was it the spirit of the Lord leading you on?" No, my friends, it was all okay because I knew I had three big macs, and two fries, and a chocolate shake back at my desk.

But then bummer, dudes and dudettes, I knew that the shake would be gone, but when I got back to my desk, all my snacks were gone. The Mrs totally set me up! While we were out eating Les came in and stole all my stuff.

What are you gonna do with all those malomars, Les? Reap their intended joy by eating them? No, you won't do that. You'll probably resell them to the students, but not before you inflate the price by 3 or 4 hundred percent. And which crime is worse? Taking in the beauty of God's creation of malomars or robbing the young, innocent, and naive?

Distraught in Demaray,
Phil

I'm a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny.

The old saying "Can't get enough of that Golden Crisp" is too, too true. This morning I had five boxes. And right in the middle of business luncheon I left to go get more. People were confused, Les was really upset, but when I came back with a coupla gallons of milk and a dozen boxes of lightly sweetened puffed rice cereal, honest-to-God I received a standing ovation.
"Three cheers for Phil!" they all shouted and then broke into a rousing chorus of "For he's a jolly good fellow." All except for Les, who sat there criticizing my youthful energized rebellion of his plain oatmeal for breakfast regiment. (It's like he wants to be groggy all day.)

However, the cheers died down when it became apparent to them that there wasn't enough for everyone. I mean 11 boxes for me, and one for the hike back up to my fortress of solitude. I can not spare one deliciously sweet golden rice puff.

Mmmm Mmmm Mmmmm
Phil

SPU Politics: Broken Down

I think this map confirms what we've all known all along.