Oscar Picks

The Academy Awards are this Sunday. Did you know that Steeley boy? I bet you didn't because you're a lame-o, hermit stuck in Alexander Hall. Like most SPU profs you got you nose stuck in books and you're not engagin the culture. I on the other hand get out to see all the best films (Hitch is the best new movie of 2005. It's like the story of me and you, Les, except I'm not black.) Anyway, my picks for 2004 are as follows:

The Passion of the Christ sweeps all the awards! Yeah, baby! I know what you're thinking: but it is not even nominated for the big awards--the ones that matter. But surely I say unto thee Jesus has always been a comeback kid, defeating the odds and coming out on top. And Hollywood is all about connections (I got a second cousin in law who is gonna hook me up with a recording session so I can lay down some fat tracks off my new hip hop album "Phil Up Yourself") and Jesus has the ultimate connection: He's God's son! Booyakasha.

And besides, the academy knows that if they don't let The Passion win the Mel Gibson will go medieval on their oscar trophies. Did you see him in Braveheart? He totally chopped off that Brit's head and it flew across the whole screen. Bloody. I wouldn't want to see that happen to Chris Rock, it being african american history month and all...

My Reviews of the "nominated" films:

Ray - Why are we celebrating the heroin addicted, woman abusing part of his life? Anyone could do that.

Million Dollar Baby - That's why we shouldn't have female sports at SPU.

The Aviator - He's got nothing on me.

Sidways - Would have been better in 3-D.

Finding Neverland - I loved it, but too bad Les didn't get it.