On Tuition...

I feel your pain. I do. Let me tell you a story because stories often present truths that can help us solve our problems. One day I went to the C-store to get my mallomars. Mmmmm... mallomars. I laid down my $10.25 for five packs of mallomars but then Dale was like "Whoa! Those went up in price. They're two fifty now." And I was so mad. I muttered (l didn't say it outloud because he did look hungry) "do prices fluctuate based on your bastardness? Because prices are always going up."

See? I feel you pain? So what did I do? Did I pay the extra money? Did I allow Dale to hold my wallet over a barrel in this inflation game? Heck No!

Folks, I'm not gonna pay an extra $.25 for mallomars. I mean, I make $200,000 a year and that only goes so far. In fact, I'm not gonna pay for mallomars from the C-store at all. So I created a fund--a fee really--and passed that cost onto the students. I called it "The mallomar fee." But Les, he thought the kids wouldn't understand. So he said we should rename it and hence we have "The Technology Fee."

I reccomend you students take the same course of action--pass on the tuition hike. Find a creative fee. Maybe a $.05 fee for every non-porn wbesite that gets blocked by SPU servers. Or charge a fee everytime a guy or girl tells you that he/she would rather "just be friends" or that they "can't date you" because they are "dating Jesus." Or a busy work fee to professors (physics students to rake in the cash on this one). Or simply demanding a refund from Thalia and the theatre department everytime a performance doesn't live up to its cost (I still don't understand why these student groups feel they can charge students admission when no other student groups do). Or charge me a fee for everytime I utter the phrase "engaging the culture, changing the world" just send an invoice to Les and I'm sure he'll pay it. *

Your Personal Financial Advisor,
Phil

* Pay it or kick you out double the tuition just for you.