It's My Birthday and I'll Raise Tuition if I want to!

It's my Birthday! I am so excited. I can't wait for the big surprise party. Maybe, for my present, Tami will let me get out of chapel today. Or maybe today is the day I get a couple of extra meatballs on my meatball sub from C-store. Or maybe Les will shave his facial hair. Maybe the Mrs will buy me GTA San Andreas (It was ever so dissappointing when I didn't get that for Christmas). Ooooh! The best though would be if today is the day they let me fire Dale. And maybe some members of the board of trustees.

There are many ways for you to celebrate my birthday and know that you will not be alone: all across the country former spu students are baking cupcakes, donning party hats and engaging this country with the good news of my presidency at SPU.

Is there a better way to celebrate my birthday than cupcakes? Nothing says "Phil Eaton" like a cupcake. They look good, they taste good, they're good for you (Don't listen to Atkins, scientists from the Hostess Institute of Indiana have time and again proved the health qualities of cupcakes).

The following items would make good gift ideas for students to give to me (hint, hint):

Return your gwinn dishes to the cafeteria
$.99 Double Bacon Cheeseburger
A boycott against the library late fees (I got like $24.90 racked up there, way too much. seriously I could buy season one of alias with that money. stupid library.)
Cheetos Big Bag
Petition for a theater release of The A-team Movie
An invitation to the band nerd end of the year banquet/bbq
If students can get chapel credit for listening to tapes, I should be able to give chapel lectures through a tape recording
Dick's Drive-In T-shirt
Front row tickets to the Robbins Hall Demolition
I just want one of those emerson kids to give me one of their fancy cars. They each have like five. Just one for 'ol Phil, the birthday boy, c'mon. I'll get you off of the diversity floor!

Phil "Birthday Boy" Eaton