Ann Coulter Comes to SPU!

But before all you young republicans sign up for a fifth year, out of all fairness, you should know that it is not actually the famed "Ms. Right," but rather the clone of Ann Coulter.

Background to the Story:

The New Pope was picked today. Ratzinger, the German. The Germans have given us some great things (and I'm not talking about Polka music), so I'm sure he'll be a good Pope. Not a GREAT pope, like I would have been. But I'll just have to wait until this one dies and then start up the campaign again. I promise to keep running my campaign for Pope until I am 120. At that age, I'll retire officially and feel a lot less guilty for playing Nintendo all day.

Just because I wasn't chosen as the next Pope, doesn't mean I'm the kind of guy who will sit around pouting and eating Ben And Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream all day. (At least not for more than 5 hours.) Today I made a bold move to take this campus in a new direction.

Inspired by Ratzinger's conservative ways, I decided to bring Ann Coulter to our beloved Campus. She said she'd melt if she went this far into a liberal city like Seattle. So instead she is going to send a test clone to see if levels of liberalism are safe for her here.

As an act of good faith, I immediately enrolled the Ann Coulter clone into our institution. The Coulter Clone will start taking classes at SPU in the fall of 2005.

The admission process for the next academic year is just getting started and most SPU caliber students are still procrastinating on their admissions essays, but I decided to accept the Coulter Clone early and register her/him... er, "IT" has the first student of the new class. Anyone who applies to SPU gets accepted so just getting accepted was not honor enough for a fine student.

Look for her on the popular online community "Friendster."

Phil Dawg,

(Bollinger, if I've raised you Right, you will spend time on Friendster looking for her, you horny school boy conservative.)