Being President

Today I ate 16 corndogs in gwiin, drank 7 glasses of chocolate milk, then passed out.
I woke up four hours later and that way didn't have to pay to get in for dinner.
If that's not being the best gosh darn president you've ever seen at a University or Company or Nation-State, then I don't know how to please. Unless.... would you be please to know that at dinner I downed 12 egg rolls and 3 glasses of that powerade-orange juice combo that the crew team drinks. Yelch! But I did it. Can Clyde Cook do that? Can Bill Gates eat 56 peeps in thirty minutes? Can Vicente Fox hide 1.5 lbs of brocolli from his dinner plate so that the Mrs wont catch him feeding it to the dog?

Phil Eaton, "The Great"