Resolving the Sonics Situation

I pretty much dominated campus this week with all my speeches and what not and that pretty cool, even cooler than the fact that I wore that robe thingy so much I barely ever had to wear pants and I can sneak donut holes in my funny little hat.

After all that talking I was pretty worn out so Steeley-boy tucked me in with a juice box and an Eaton-sized sudoku puzzle to keep me busy for the rest of the week.
It's just like regular sudoku, but harder cause there is only four instead of nine.
Well, I fooled him. I finished early.
Check it, Steeley-boy!

Now that I am done with that I set my mind to bigger problems. Like the sonics. Here is my Blue Print for the 21st Century for Keeping the Sonics in Seattle.









1. Borrow from the best advertisers in the business: political advisers. We start a major mudslinging campaign against Oklahoma City.
Seattle we got starbucks, boeing, amazon.com, microsoft, nintendo, costco, and all these great multi-national companies. What is Oklahoma famous for?













Okies.
And they are famous for LEAVING oklahoma. Trust the natives on this one, sonics, leave Oklahoma City alone.


2. There has been some problems selling box seats. Well, that is an easy fix. No one wants teriyaki food. I call it Teri-yucky. I'm sure we'll sell out and raise prices with this new menu:




















3.
With each ticket you get a date with a member of the sonics dance team. This is bound to work because in a city that is famous for businesses like boeing and microsoft, there ins't a lot of dudes who could otherwise get women on their own. The Key Arena will be the next Eharmony.com.

Of course, you will need a bigger dance team. We've got plenty of girls here at SPU you can use. The best sonics dance team members are already from SPU anyway. There is one rule though, there can be no competition among the girls. Girls are equal. We can't be comparing them to one another. I got in a lot of trouble for that over here last year. Girls by their own nature would never compare themselves to other women, but then guys, as satan, make girls compete and it is unHoly. So ground rules: no comparing, no touching, and nothing to be worn that isn't sold at JCPenny. Spirited, but modest.


Lastly, if all that doesn't work, Re-Branding is the answer. If the Sonics leave, we just make Seattle out to be TOO GOOD for the Sonics. Just like SPU is TOO GOOD for a football team. I mean, we have soccer. Not as cool in the American college leagues, but when we are engaging the World the whole World all at once, we gotta be like the whole world. And we can do it. So suck it the Sonics. We don't need you anyway, go to Oklahoma, see if we care!

















Bon Voyage! Don't forget that the corpse has to stay in until you get there.