What Fonzi was to the Fifties, so shall I be to Religion.
I'm a Righteous dude! Among myself, Fonzi, and Dr Vokos, there is a certain... how would a UFDN3000 prof say it... "perichoresis."
I know the Lord is on my side, for the Bible tells me so. (Les has to read it to me, but I trust he isn't misreading the Bible.)
Upon this revelation that I am righteous, I am introducing the Hail Phil. A prayer for me, and a prayer for you, and for all SPU students throughout time. This prayer is to be recited 50 times every day of the week.
The Hail Phil:
"Hail Phil, full of congeniality, the Lord is on your side. Blessed on you among men, and blessed is the fruit of your presidence, SPU. Hail Phil, follower of God, preside o'er us students, now and in the years of our alumni status."
What I am asking for doesn't come without benefits.
FIFTEEN PROMISES OF THE BLESSED PRESIDENT
TO STUDENTS WHO FAITHFULLY PRAY THE HAIL PHIL
1. To all those who shall pray the Hail Phil devoutly, Phil promises his special protection and great graces.
2. Those who shall persevere in the recitation of the Hail Phil will receive some special grace.
3. Phil will be a very powerful armor against hell.
4. Phil will make virtue and good works flourish, and will obtain for souls the most abundant divine mercies. He will draw the hearts of men from the love of the world and its vanities, and will lift them to the desire of eternal things. Oh, that souls would sanctify themselves by his means.
5. Those who trust themselves to me through the Hail Phil will not perish.
6. Whoever recites the Hail Phil devoutly reflecting on the mysteries, shall never be overwhelmed by misfortune. He will not experience the anger of God nor will he perish by an unprovided death. The sinner will be converted; the just will persevere in grace and merit eternal life.
7. Those truly devoted to the Hail Phil shall not die without the sacraments of the University.
8. Those who are faithful to recite the Hail Phil shall have during their life and at their death the light of knowing Phil and the plenitude of His graces and will share in the merits of his blessings.
9. Souls devoted to the Hail Phil will be delivered promptly from Purgatory.
10. True children of SPU will enjoy great glory in heaven.
11. What you shall ask through the Hail Phil you shall obtain.
12. To those who propagate my Rosary I promise aid in all their necessities.
13. Phil ensures that all the devoted Students of the University shall have as their intercessors, in life and in death, the entire celestial court.
14. Those who recite the Hail Phil faithfully are Phil’s beloved children, the brothers and sisters of Jesus Christ.
15. Devotion to the Hail Phil is a special sign of predestination.
posted by Dr Eaton @ 3:14 PM
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3 Comments:
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