Presidential insight:

You know sells a university to touring students and their parents?
Is it the faculty to student ratio? maybe.
Diversity? some would say so.
Is it where the institution lands in the ubiquitous college rankings? not so much.
What sells a university is where you want to invest. And what sells it is a key academic factor called "lawn height."
That's why in preparation for the new students arriving on campus, we'll have lawnmowers going 24/7 from now til TRADITION. Every minute of every day someone somewhere on campus will be mowing a lawn. I decree it!