Men's Soccer

Is soccer even really a sport? I mean, I guess we are doing really good now and so Les is making me go because it is like the first time in 6 years that the men's soccer hasn't lost more games than it's played. But still, is it a sport? Does anyone care? I polish off a bowl of fruity pebbles every morning, but I don't keep tabs on my victories. Soccer is a dead sport, kinda like Spanish is a dead language. And can men even play soccer? Cause the only thing I really know about soccer from the news is that it involves stripping off your sports bra while running around on the lawn. Don't get me wrong, but that is not a sport, it more like a typical night on 6th Hill. Another reason why soccer is lame is because the nachos they serve at the stands suck. All hot sauce and no chesse.  What is up with that? So I tried to sneak in my own last year and I got caught and had to strip down and be searched. The dogs found my Mr Pibb 3-litre bottle and my 18ft licorice rope. However, my malomars were safe because I keep them close to my heart. And that night I vowed never to go to another soccer game without my treats. So Les is buying me red mill before the game and their pumpkin shakes are pretty good this year. But then again if Les wants me to go so bad it is probably gonna be another one of "his" boring things to go to. For example: the trustee meetings. That stuff is totally lame and not everyone wants to be a part of your little clique okay Les? Gosh. Nate Ellis so knew what he was talking about--about how this campus excludes people who purposely act to not be apart of this campus. Too True, Nate too true! Why is Nate Ellis the only one who "gets" me? And yet he still hasn't agreed to be my friend on FaceBook? Nor will Dr. Braden be my friend and that hurts. We used to be tight. Sure, I stood for everything you stood against and Les and I muscled you out of your administration position, but those were good times, right? Now they are moving the KSPU office and the C-store is falling apart because Dale isn’t there to keep it from imploding. With all these problems going on around campus… (and don’t forget the big one: no stealing food from gwinn. How rude! I want to eat when I want to eat. Setting aside certain times of the day to consume unlimited amounts of food is so BIOLA and that’s not what we are about) I am surprised to see that students aren’t aloud to drink…. On campus…. Even if they are not of age. If we want to be a city on a hill, then we should set ourselves apart by issuing minors special passes so that they can drink all over town. Sobriety has been done, folks! Hello!?!?!?!?!? Look at Utah! Is anyone impressed? Nope! And they even have special underwear that they wear while having sex. Being totally lame will not win people to Christ. (take notes, Les.) You know what will though? Movies like the “Passion of the Christ” or the equally acclaimed (by Christianity Today) major motion picture “Veggietales: The Movie” That movie rocked the house down to the ground! The pirates who don’t do anything? I dig their style.

Anyhoo… all of this is to say that Soccer is an evil on par with communism and SPU has no place participating in this sport. Goodnight!