Betrayed By Bacon Burgers

I love Bacon Burgers and Vanilla shakes and ooh ooh onion rings.
I gotta take a break and clean the drool of my chin.
Okay I'm back. I love red mill burgers. You know, over in interbay. There burgers are sooooo good. They cook them just right. With the flame broiled patty, the carmelized onions, and crispy pepper bacon. oooh. excuse me.

Okay, I'm back. I did a scientific test this summer (see June 14th) and sure enough Red Mill came out on top. The burgers are expensive though, but then again that keeps you college kids away. I mean who wants to work a week for dale just for a burger. Who wants to work a week at all? Not me. But I got duped into functioning as the president. The Mrs. was all like "hey honeybunches, what do you say to some red mill burgers tonight?" I said, "I say Hell yes!"
Little did I know this invite was tainted. The burgers were mighty good, oh yes, they were delicious.
But then all these SPU kids started walking by and I was like "quick, let's get away! There's les steele's car, do you know how to hot wire it?" Mrs. Eaton of course does know how to hot wire cars but she was all like "honey lets see what they're up to." Personally, between me and you, my blogger followers, I don't care what the SPU kids do as long as they don't
1. throw beer bottles at my house from the ashton lounge.
2. throw up in the ashton elevator.
3. throw up on my lawn on their way home from the ashton lounge.
4. throw up on my lawn while returning to the ashton lounge.
5. marry some one from moyer, if they lived in moyer.

Turns out all these kids were going to an SPU soccer game. I don't know why. Soccer, in general, is hugely boring in a massive way. But SPU soccer really sucks. Oh there were the glory days of national championships, of McCrath crawling on his hands and knees (more profs should emulate McCrath's loyalty to SPU and to me). But last year the team set a new record: least goals scored in a season.
"But we had a strong defense." Please. Excuses make me vomit even more than the kids coming from ashton.

Argh. I hate soccer. And yet, I was duped again by the lure of Red Mill. Why have you betrayed me Red Mill? Why? Why? Why?