Supersize SPU

The newest addition to the UC school system will open in five months. UC Merced's first class will be 1,000 students. A mere one third the size of SPU. SPU is still on top of the game. We might not offer the "rigorous" "agricultural program" that UC Merced does, but we do have a hip growing university that can kick your ass in basketball.

But the expansion of the UC system gives me an idea: Expand SPU!

I already have the perfect location.

901 Fairview Ave N #C-100, Seattle WA 98109 (see map provided below)

I know it is pretty close to home, but it has other advantages:

-Bollinger will not be around the main campus much anymore, which is always a good thing.
-The Pope Eaton conclave afterparty will be much cooler than champagne and ice cream.
-The secret chicken wings recipe could be the lynchpin for boosting gwinn from second in the nation to first in the nation.
-Attract more star atheletes for our mens basketball team.
-Attract more star atheletes for our women's crew team.
-More guys might apply to SPU.
-It will serve as an on going laboratory for the ongoing drama of humanity.
-Hooters girls only want you to buy an extra side of chicken wings instead of the diamond engagement ring requisiteof most SPU girls. Which means more money that students can save for me, er... tuition.
-Certain Biology profs just can't keep the students interested as well as Hooters girls would be able to. Clearly this move is engaging the academic mission of the university.

If this expansion goes well, maybe we'll incorporate 1315 First Avenue as well,
See ya there!

Phil Dawg