Guess who is still Gay? Elijah Wood!

He is so gay it makes me want to vomit! I just want to haul lumber in a pick up truck to make up for the emasculation with which he threatens the entire gender. Can't president Bush's terrorism unit do anything about the threat that Eljiah Wood poses to us all?

I am doing everything I can to prevent him from ever coming here.

Reasons Elijah Wood should never be allowed to come to SPU.

1. SPU cannot afford the cost of security to protect him from the throngs of UScholar girls who will flock to him and pass out when they see him.
2. We'd have to build a separate dorm for him. We have the rich dorm, the nerd dorm, the homestyle dorm, the slut dorm, but where is the gay dorm. We already destroyed Marston.
3. Free Methodism does not accept converts from the cult known as "The Fellowship"
4. SPU students can't smoke unless they are Asian. No exceptions for Elijah.
5. Only kids named after characters in the Bible in the New Testament are allowed at SPU. Afterall we are under the new covenant.
6. His LOTR work may be transferable as literature credit, but he'd have to make up like a gazillion credits of CORE and UFDN classes.
7. Elijah Wood is a terrorist.
8. SPU students aren't allowed to date foreigners.
9. Even if he was a student at SPU, he would still be given only bit parts in the "student" theatre productions.
10. He melts in the rain.